Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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