I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
