I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
