He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
