The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
