Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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