People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
