my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
