oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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