Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I need a beard to bite.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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