I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
