My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
