he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize