why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
