Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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