I am in a vortex of obligation.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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