Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
