Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
