Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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