Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
