yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
