we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
