Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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