i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize