she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
