We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
All I want is dick and wine.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
