she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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