update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
