I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
