He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize