My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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