U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
