Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
