is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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