Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
