I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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