i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
