all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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