All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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