They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
