I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
