i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
