Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
