he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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