Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
