Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We left an ass print on the piano.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
