the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
