I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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