people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
