I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
