I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We are two peas in an std pod
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
