You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
