Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
