I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
