there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
