I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
there is glitter all over my balls
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize