She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
