I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
