you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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