Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize