just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
