I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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