he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
