woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
