she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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