When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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