hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
