All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
