Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
