atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The beer is more important than you right now.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I will be naked everywhere
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
